From the monthly archives:

August 2011

There is a reason

by lulujane on August 17, 2011

Noah July 2010 (27)My friend Kathy has been a foster parent to many children.  She continues to this day with the more recent addition to her home of a fourteen year old boy.  Let’s say his name is David.

David has been in many foster homes.  Kathy talks about what a nice boy he is, a very dear child.  Due to unendurable circumstances with his birth family he has been in the foster care system for a long time.

Kathy is loving and generous. She empowers others.  I met David a couple of times. He seems sweet and it is evident he is happy with Kathy and her family.   In the process of preparing for a recent move to another city, much paperwork and documentation had to be completed. And even although Kathy has successfully fostered for a long time, the ‘system’ dictates that she undergo twenty-six hours of additional training which is only available locally on weekdays. This is when most people earn their living and week days are not possible doe to the loss of income it would create.   She independently made repeated efforts to find accommodation in a Saturday program in another area and after many phone calls and emails she finally found an agency who was willing to include her in their Saturday training program.  Even though it will mean a lengthy drive each time she attends a class, it is worth it to her.  She will do whatever it takes to make this happen for David.

My friend is  responsible, efficient, diligent and timely with the completion and submission of documents. She has been frustrated with paperwork being lost, with the ‘system’ claiming they never received it, etc.  David is going to high school in a couple of weeks and Kathy wants to register him in the new commnunity now so that he blends in with the other grade nine students starting at the same time.  Because of the upheavel during much of his life, it is important for him to blend in.

David is aware of the roadblocks and frustrations as Kathy does everything in her power to make this happen. She says “when are they going to stop the baloney and think of what the child needs?”.

I listened as she spoke, compassionate with her disappointment, frustration and anger.

As if a lightbulb illuminated my thoughts, I realized, and reported to her that maybe the difficulties are there, with David being aware of the hurdles she was jumping over, hoops she was jumping through – because it is important for him finally to see, hear and know that someone wanted him and was fighting tooth and nail to get him.

Later that day I received an email from my friend.  She believes that she is through most of the paperwork and other protocol, lost documents and emails located.  Her email also thanked me by saying “you always have a way of making things better”.

So many times in life I have discovered that it isn’t what happens to me, but how I choose to perceive it that is important.   I try to see all sides of a situation and ask ‘what’s the blessing in this’? As in Kathy’s situation, it would be difficult to resent the anxiety of dealing with red tape over and over again, if she had known that there was a meaningful and powerful reason for it all, particularly when it will have positive, affirming, long-reaching and long-term benefits for her beloved David.

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