Weight watching

by lulujane on January 8, 2011

Mom Bball4x6smA few decades have passed since then, but I am probably within five pounds of what I weighed when I was eighteen years old.  I must be disappointingly honest about that though.  At the time I was physically active in a variety of sports and the pounds were measured in solid muscle.  That isn’t the case today.

Over the years I have belonged to almost every health club in our city for varying lengths of time and only recently decided to retire, not graduate from them. I have dieted and exercised but it wasn’t influenced by a passion for what I was doing.  The inner voices, the self talk could be persistent and thunderingly loud when I compared myself to others, prompting me to action.  I didn’t join a health club or deprive myself from things I liked because I wanted to, but because I was feeling told to by… by who … myself, media, society who measure these things.

I have watched other people around me doing the same thing. They torture themselves for long periods of time nibbling only on carrot sticks and celery for weeks and months to achieve a weight goal.  And when I see them six months, one year or two years later they are back to where they were in the first place.  So, while I have been enjoying myself with relaxed habits I am where I was then, but without the deprivation and the hard work.

In some instances my weight will surpass my norm and I don’t feel comfortable in my body or my clothes don’t fit. Usually it’s both. This is when I am reluctantly called to action and for a time I can do this.  I can be disciplined and focused and achieve results when I really want to.

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I observe women with slender frames and know how good it is when my body feels like theirs look, and maybe it is to justify my ambivalence but I believe that my body is comfortable at a certain weight and unless inhibited by a strict exercise and diet regime, it will find its way back to this as a balance point. Nutritionists, doctors and fitness gurus will likely argue this point, and the scale and BFI (body fat index) might squeal against me, but this is where my observations have brought me.  I have given my self critic the day off and decided to like myself exactly as I am at any given time.

When I connect with other people, i.e. family/friends, I don’t like them any less because they don’t fit the paramaters of a scale…. why should I love myself less if I don’t fit them either?

My enemy is boredom.  When I am by myself and bored I reach for something that will give me comfort.  I like salty stuff like potato chips and popcorn and I salivate when I think of these snacks.  And when I am bored and/or alone, one thing after another thing, after another thing will find its way into my mouth.  This is how and when my weight gain yummily creeps up on me. I keep a watchful eye on myself somewhat by eliminating ice cream, cookies, chips or other snacks as staple foods in my home.  If someone is coming to visit I sure hope they call ahead so I can rush to the store and pick up the goodies for them.

I’m laughing at myself now. I’m remembering that a couple of years ago I went to Overeaters Anonymous for a few weeks …. until I had my aha moment that weight control is determined by two things – food choices and portion size.  Duhh!

Now if there was a diet or nutritional advice for boredom – that would be a beautiful thing.

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