I see you

by lulujane on January 12, 2011

When I saw the movie ‘Avatar’ and the female character Neytiri, said to the male character Jake, “I see you”, I felt an emotional charge.   I may have mentioned this in another post a while back, but I have a friend who likes to break down words, which in some instances, end up having an even greater meaning.  Her phrasing for ‘intimacy’ is “into-me-see” .  When Neytiri said “I see you”, I knew what she was saying. Jake had revealed enough of himself to show her who he really was.

This brings me to a pet peeve about people who stay behind the shield of dark tinted sunglasses while talking to a non-sunglass wearer.  Maybe when both are wearing the sunglasses it is a different story. However, when I am in conversation with someone whose eyes I can’t see, it feels like they are shielding themselves from me, putting up a barrier.  I feel cheated, isolated from more meaningful connection. They have the benefit of seeing me naked, sort of, eyes wide open – eye to eye, but they are depriving me of being able to see them (on more than one level).

At a small music festival this summer I encountered a young man I knew and inquired about his work, the day job and the music.  I was interested.  He was wearing a pair of very cool, very dark shades. While he enthusiastially shared the mechanics of how he saw his future I have to admit I felt distracted and frustrated by my inability to feel the connection I enjoy when making the effort; when I take the time to get to know someone on a more personal level. The kind of connection that comes from eye to eye contact.

Maybe new sunglasses should be packaged with an etiquette instruction booklet, as should cellphones, iPhones and other handheld social media.

Wearing sunglasses when engaging in face to face dialogue can make the other person feel  you have decided not to show up for the party after giving a positive RSVP to an invitation.

It leaves me wondering, where is the hostess gift?  For me, the gift is the showing up and being present eye to eye because if I am willing to take the time, I want to see you.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Brenda 01.12.11 at 5:06 pm

I have felt the same way about people who wear sunglasses ALL the time, even when inside a building!! Could it be inferiority complex related — or maybe they just want to look “cool”? Don’t know, but it does make one feel uncomfortable!

Carolyn Gagnon 01.14.11 at 12:13 pm

About the sunglasses, I agree with you 100%!! I have actually gone one step further when talking to someone who is wearing sunglasses and have asked them to please remove them so I can see their beautiful eyes while talking. No one has refused yet!
Love reading your little stories.

Carolyn Gagnon 01.16.11 at 1:34 pm

I agree with you Linda, wearing sunglasses while carrying on a conversation is absolutely rude in my book. I usually ask the wearer to remove them so I can see their lovely eyes!! Try it, it works.

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